Wednesday, January 30, 2013

All Things Work Together for Good....

So often you hear people say why does God let bad things happen? It is a lifelong question that you will hear a ton of different answers to. Bad stuff happens. Genes get messed up causing a devastating result. Marriages fall apart. People die. People survive accidents but live the rest of their lives dependent upon others. Life is hard. Life can suck as so many put it. It has always been that way, but people who aren't Christ followers often use that as the reason why they don’t believe in God. And I am not here to sell anyone on anything; I just wanted to share something really special to me and it shows my heritage. Something that I came across on Christmas day when my uncle brought a bunch of my Grandparents stuff over and it answered the question so clearly in my head to the question of why bad things happen. It shows how when really bad things happen, good things happen to people. One time I googled quotes of adversity and I sat in tears as I read quotes beautifully written by people who have seen suffering and saw the other side of it. This one is one of my favorites “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ― Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross

Bad things happen. It’s a matter of fact, but we don’t have a God who just throws a lightning bolt down and says make them suffer oohhh hahahahaha… he says this is going to hurt and I hurt with you. Please know I am with you and will never leave you.

When I was a year old my aunt passed away. It was always a family fact. I was too young to have remembered her but I love to hear stories about her. She was 19 years old and she suddenly got sick and her parents had to suddenly decide to remove life support on their beautiful, vivacious 19 year old daughter. It was never more than a family fact to me until I was 19 and thought how young I was and how young my aunt was. Then when I became a mom I looked at my grandparents differently. I looked at them differently because I was now a mom. A mom who was suffering herself with being a mom, I was a mom begging God to let me swap brains with my daughter because I loved her so much that I wanted to take her suffering away. And when I became a mom I thought about how my Grandma and Grandpa must be different people from who they used to be. I can only imagine when you lose a child there is the you before and the you after. I had only known the after for my grandparents and I looked at them through different eyes. Unfortunately I only got to see my grandma a couple months with those new eyes because she passed away when Lily was only 8 weeks old. At only 69 years old my Grandma Norma passed and we were all devastated, but there was no doubt that she was celebrating in heaven with Jesus and her beautiful 19 year old daughter Karen. So what is good about a 19 year old passing away suddenly? How did my family get “blessed” by something so tragic? How did we know she was in heaven with Karen? Because Karen at 19 was the first person in our family to accept Christ. She became a christian by going to church and was discipled by a wonderful family friend to whom our family's christian heritage started from and she just so happened to be one of my longest life long friends Grandma. Karen became a christian and her illness and death introduced new people into my families lives and when the time came they all accepted Christ as well.

It was a sudden change for everyone. They all changed their lives completely. They changed because something really bad happened. They changed because their hearts were broken and they found a way to heal their brokenness. I know Karen rejoiced when she saw her family change because they lost her. I know Karen will be greeting us all one day and I can't wait to meet her. I know Grandma and her have been playing a lot of scrabble up there and singing praises because it was what my Grandma liked to do. I bet she even watches the Suns play and gets frustrated still with them. I honestly don't know who I would have been if tragedy didn't strike when I was too young to understand it. I don't know who any of us would have been. I don't know who I would have been if Lily was off to dance class and volleyball like I planned on her doing. I don't know if I would truly understand what it is to have a servants heart if I didn't serve my daughter every day. I don't know if I would ever appreciate my husband for who he is if we didn't almost loose each other several years ago.

I honestly don't think I would have liked who I would have became if things came to me easily and the only heart break I knew was from a boyfriend. Heck I am able to appreciate my health after we all had the most miserable flu ever last week. You really can't taste the sweet if you never knew sour. We go through stuff and I know some of you go through some STUFF and it is hard. It is ugly. It can make you want to not continue living. But you can come out stronger and better. It is all a beautiful woven masterpiece but you really have to take a step back to see just how marvelous it really is.

This hand written note took my breath away. It is my heritage. It is proof to me that God 100% is in control of it all. And it is amazing to see my grandma used my favorite verse on this paper I had never seen before.
This is a what my grandma Norma wrote on a Sermon Note about Karen's funeral:
"Ted Symonds gave a beautiful service for Karen. He was the pastor of Tri City Alliance Church where Karen attended. Our beautiful Karen had accepted our Lord just 11 months before she died, and because of her death, her mother, father, sister Nancy, brother Danny, Jim and Ronald, her brother in law Ted and her sister in law Paula also came to "Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and gave their hearts to him. I know that Karen is rejoicing in heaven and thinking of the verse in Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things works together for good to them that love God"

Friday, January 11, 2013

And The Winner Is.....

Spoiler Alert! Cherie Dell comment #22 you are the winner!!!! But you didn't leave me your email so can you please email me at knothdurft at gmail and get me your info and I will love to get you that necklace! :) Thank you everyone!!! Let's do it again real soon!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

***Give Away***

In honor of Rare Disease Day for NORD, celebrating their 30th Anniversary this year next month, I would like to get some awareness out about the rare disease that has turned our family upside down.
For my family and friends who often read this blog already knows LilyAnna Blu suffers from CDKL5. CDKL5 is a gene that you have and I have. We never knew it though, or cared right? Well you do know about it and care about it when it isn't working correctly. One tiny gene in Lily's otherwise perfect body has given her daily seizures. Daily.Like.Every.Day. EVERY. Ever been unfortunate enough to have or watch a child suffer a seizure from fever? Or from a fall? Heck ever have a dog who had a seizure? See one on youtube? It's scary right? Every day. Each day since our girl was 3 weeks old (most likely even earlier) her body has seized. Then not only does she have this to deal with every day, she also has very limited use of her hands. Very limited. She has no words. None. Dr's assume she is mentally retarded and every medical record has stated this is the case, but I look into her eyes and I don't necessarily agree. If she is I couldn't care one bit, but she has no words, her hands can't even speak for her, how do any of us know what Lily is thinking? I think she is wiser than any of us. I think she grasps life well beyond any of us could ever grasp. I think she sits and she listens. I think she carries a sense of peace in her that we all desire we could have.
Lily is a ten year old girl whose life is in our hands each day. Every thing she needs we give her. We serve her and I will do it with joy until the day we no longer get the privilege. According to some doctors our days are limited, according to us her days are limitless. 
I want to offer one of these beautiful necklaces to someone who would love to wear it with pride. Someone who wears it and answers the question "what is CDKL5?" with a "something we need to cure! won't you help us?"

All I am asking from you lovely friends is to help me raise awareness by liking IFCR on Facebook
and visiting and copying the address and pasting/posting it on your facebook page. Say I am posting this for Lily, or for Hannah, for Kiera, for Amber, for Mia, for Leah, Samantha, Vivi, Avery, Gage .. etc... I could go on for awhile with the names of kids who need us...just tell your friends this is something we need help in curing and I know we can with help from friends like you!
And of course after you do those two simple steps you must comment in the comment section below with the necklace you would like to have and your email! I will announce the winner Friday at 6pm (mountain time)
Thank you and good luck!!!!
PS If you don't facebook, do it on Twitter, or Google +, or email it, or tell your friend in person, this is on your honor :)

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happiest of Holidays

I love Christmas and New Years. I think I just adore the entire month of December and feel blessed to have my birthday during a month of such heightened happiness. Although I find myself probably the most stressed out during December it is because I suffer from a rare condition called indecisiveness paired with an acute case of procrastination and when December comes those two disorders wreak havoc on me, but nonetheless I really do enjoy December. And I am promising to get my shopping done in November next year. Yup. Just like I do every year.
I admit I hit a deep sadness during this holiday season, but that isn't unlike any other holiday season since Miss Lily came into our lives. I still love the holidays. I love that I am now able to admit that sadness, yell at it, cry about it and then turn the page to a new day. Sadness will always creep up, but we have power over it. I was able to have a joyous Christmas, we enjoyed our family time. Lily suffered several seizures, but when she was awake she was happy, she was engaging and she held my hand all day. What is not to celebrate about that?
I rarely really make New Year's Resolutions and this year is no different. I just want to continue growing, learning, evolving, I need to be a less selfish person and that is something I have been working on and will continue to do so. I may never be Mother Theresa, but I do hope to learn some traits of hers.
With all that said I would like to share some photos from our last 2 weeks. I would like to say I honestly hope your holidays were a time of celebrating and being with those you love. I know that the holidays can find those who have suffered a great loss feeling a huge void and I am sorry. I pray that you were able to find sweet heavenly peace.
I look forward to seeing what 2013 has to offer and pray the year for you all is a year of joy and blessings. Don't forget most your blessings don't come gift wrapped saying I'm a blessing! I challenge you to seek what you receive and find the blessing in everything.
Much love!

Christmas Eve Jammie opening!

Christmas Morning with Grandma and Grandpa!
Lots of Happy Smiles and sleeping Lily 
(Yes that is a Barbie Ken doll Oli is holding.... he asked)

Got to see lots of snow visiting Grandma and Grandpa up in Greer the weekend between the holidays.
Lots of sledding and playing in the cold.

Mama said snow is ok for a day. Just a day. She likes her valley of the sunshine.

ps Lily got an extreme hair cut. We were making life easier for all of us. It was not easy on mama. Not at all. I am looking forward to it growing out a few inches which will take days with Lily. :) But I have to be honest, our days have gotten SO.MUCH.EASIER. Seriously!

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