Friday, July 29, 2011

1st and 4th Grade!

Today is the last day of the first week of school for my big beautiful girls! It started out hectic and no bueno, but has ended fabulous! Love my kids so much! Oli has kept me on my toes since the girls have been gone and Lily seems so much happier spending her days at school and I love the stories Andi Jane shares when I pick her up. It will be much easier when Andi gets approved to ride the bus with Lily, but until then we will be racing to school after the bus picks up Lily and racing home to meet the bus after picking up Andi. Come mid August things will get much easier. Very sad that we are coming to an end with our fabulous caregiver we wish we could adopt into our family, but she's off to MN back to college, so come Sept we are getting new changes again, but right now feeling grateful for all we have been given.

Monday, July 25, 2011


I found this old post I wrote almost 4 years ago and it made me sad. It made me see how far I have come, yet how things haven't changed at all. I miss this old blog I kept. It felt like the silly old me. Light hearted. With some heavy touches when needed. I like who I changed into after having Lily, but wonder if I lost that girl along the way and have become this me. Do we ever stay the same? What if you were the best you then life hit you upside the head, can you get her back?
I don't know. I wanted to share this post though...

so yes i am still on my work break reading my old blog. so yes time management is not a great skill of mine. now seriously off to work.

I think I'm lost, I am looking for easy street.....

Sigh... I am tired. Life is wearing on me. This beautiful ride of a life isn't looking all that pretty.
I'm fine, just feeling beat down. Several rough mornings in a row just starts an attitude that I have a hard time flipping.
It should have been an awesome morning getting the girls off to school, but it wasn't. Lily's bus never showed and by 8:20am I no longer had the option to sit on my thumbs waiting because Andi had to be to school by 8:30am. Oli decides for the 2nd day in the past few to open the front door having our dogs fly out like they are racing for a prize, but I couldn't do anything about it. We fly to school, the girls just make it in time, but I was grumpy and I didn't get to be excited with them and their day. I knew what awaited me at home was 4 voice mails telling me so and so found our dogs and could we pick them up and why did I know this? Because this just happened the other day. Yup 4 calls, 2 different people. Go pick them up, very nice people and I was very gracious, but my day was off by an hour. I have so much work to do. I have this newsletter I need to finish up. I have to get on the ball for the fundraiser in two weeks in South Dakota. I feel like I am being swallowed by life and I can't get out. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I have good kids. It isn't like I'm fighting with them. I am busy but aren't all moms? I know we have more therapy and dr. apts than others, but how do others seem to function while I feel like I treading water and not getting anywhere? Is it because I am working more now? I think if I were a stay at home mom again it would be easier, but would it? I don't know. Maybe I just suck at time management. But it seems like I am sucking at every aspect of my life. I still want that damn pause button I've been asking for since Oli was born. Where is it???? We can pause live tv, why not life? Oh the things I would be able to get done with one. Who knows maybe I could be the next Stephanie Meyers if I had a pause button. I could write about vampires, love and CDKL5. It would be beautiful and so popular and I'd have so much money that I would never have to lie awake in the middle of the night wondering when all this Dave Ramsy stuff will prove itself and we get some breathing room.
Oh the babbling of a girl who should be working through her lunch break, not writing on her silly blog she can't even keep up with.
Where is that pause button and can someone please direct me to easy street?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

There is a line in a song by Gary Allen with the line “life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride”. And sure it may sound cliché, a little corny even, but are truer words ever spoken?
I don’t know anyone with a perfect life. Sure I know some who have had it easier than others, but we all go through trials. We all have had our hearts broken. And honestly hurt hurts. We can’t really measure our hurts, there is no stick to do so, life hurts.
I look back at my life. I look back at lives of those I love and I think how did we survive? How are we smiling today? Yet we did, we are. Life is about the living and living as best as we can. Holding resentments and anger only inhibits us from moving forward. I read in a book once a line that really rang true “holding onto anger towards someone is like hitting yourself in the head over and over again and expecting the other person to get a headache”. So true. It’s been a tough year for me. Probably one of the toughest ever, yet today I can say I have a smile. I have joy in my heart. I hold no hate or contempt in my heart for anyone. And I can say that to you with the most sincerity. Did that just vanish, did I hide it? Nope. I worked through it. I worked though it over and over again. It is the same thing with Lily. Every single birthday I am reminded of all we don’t have with her, yet I don’t spend that entire year thinking of that thought. I give myself a day, sometimes it takes all day, sometimes it just takes a few moments, but I let myself have those moments, then I remember the light that Lily offers and thank God for what we have. I deal with my past year in the same way. Sure there are moments, sometimes days and it used to be weeks I got stuck. Stuck on thoughts, stuck on anger, stuck on hurt. But then I look at the world that unfolded in front of us now and I see a family I never saw before. I see a marriage that I never saw before. I see that we took the wrong road in life. I have taken a lot of wrong roads, but we still seem to find ourselves back where we belong. I know a lot of things happen and things change you. But it is up to you how you are changed. I will never be a naive young woman, do I miss her, sure of course sometimes, but I didn’t choose bitter, I chose experienced. I choose wiser. Some days sure, I feel rained on. But it doesn’t last. There are days I get to spend a day at the water park with just Andi and we will play all day and just live in the moment and get pizza and ice cream and talk about our day and about 1st grade and all her friends, and I think this moment is brought to you by a great attitude.
I know I have not had it as bad as others. All I know is what I have been dealt. All I know is what I feel; all I know is how I handled it all. And who am I kidding, I’m only 30…. Ok 32, I will be dealt a lot more, but what I do know is who I have in my corner, and who is cheering me on and who carried those burdens for me on his back.
No,life aint always beautiful. Tears will fall sometimes. Life aint always beautiful
But it really is a beautiful ride.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Things I have learned getting older while raising small children

Things I have learned getting older while raising small children

1. Once you hit 30, you start loosing count… ie when I heard Brittany Spears was 30 now I said, “I didn’t realize we were the same age” we’re not.

2. Despite what you “thought” a 4 year age difference is not a big enough gap to not have fighting children. I’m sure a 26 year gap wouldn’t… wait that is the age gap between Andi Jane and me.

3. The minute you sit down to eat and maybe even sigh a sigh of relief you will then look over at your special needs daughter, who has issues with constipation, at that moment start trying to poop.

4. You finally understand what your English teacher was explaining to you about antagonists and protagonists and put your children in each role.

5. A 6 year old and a 2 year old never seem to compromise on a show

6. Boys will pee anywhere and on anything.

7. A chair your 6 year old never wants to sit in will all of a sudden be the only chair she wants to sit in once she realizes her 2 year old brother loves that chair. See # 4.

8. When you first became a mom all you wanted to hear was that word, mom. Many years later you wish and maybe just for a second, they’d stop saying it. At least just for one blessed minute.

9. You realize that all the things you would complete in your 30’s will have to wait til your 40’s.

10. If all he will eat is yogurt and oatmeal that day you feel accomplished.

11. You are thrilled your aunt flow came to visit. Again.

12. Ecstasy is 10pm when everyone is asleep and you are in bed with your remote, DVR and a glass of wine.

13. A treat is a $4 Starbucks, hopefully handed to you by the cute barista.

14. Turning up the volume only turns up their volume

15. You can’t remember the last time you bought yourself something at retail price.

16. Sleep is a luxury, not a right

17. No matter how many kids you have each and every one of them will have something weird medically, one can be as serious as a one in a million gene deletion, and one can be as minor as reoccurring ear infections, but they will all have something “weird” going on and it is all important to you.

18. When you hear “look at what YOUR SON just did with MY soap” coming from the mouth of your daughter, you not only don’t come, you just write about in your word document while laughing to yourself.

19. You hope that because their parents have tattoos they will think they are so “old school”

20. Just because it was ok for us to get married at 22 and 19, you pray they don’t even think about it.

21. You are no longer jealous of those young girls in their 20’s because you know all they have in store for them

22. You’re also not jealous of those empty nesters because you know what they are missing.

23. You are pretty happy right where you are.

24. Although get-away trips do seem to be all you fantasize about

25. You don’t care where you go but a date with your husband is the highlight of the month

26. You really miss the dimples in their fingers when you realize they are gone.

27. You realize that even though your life has changed absolutely and completely, you would never in a million years even for one spilt second wish for a life without them.

28. You never loose hope for them, no matter what any one says

29. You still mean everything you said in #27 even after seeing what your son did do with her soap and just spent 15 minutes cleaning it up

30. You stop your list on 30, thinking once again that is how old you are.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The 4th!

We went to Greer for the 4th of July weekend. We invited some good friends of ours and their kids and we had such a wonderful time! Greer did have some devastation, but it is far more green than not. I will upload to flickr, it is easier that way.
My parents had bought the only store in town just weeks before the fire came through, it has been a crazy time, but it has been a good thing, there was some smoke damage so the place got cleaned out, painted and looks amazing! (the website it still a work in progress)
We spent time fishing, went to the local museum for "tee-pee time", one day I worked at the store running the register. It was a lot of fun, it was busy the whole time and it is so fun just to talk to the people who came in. We spent evenings with wine and great food while the kids all just played and played. I don't think weekends get much better than they were last weekend.
We just love summer in Greer and are so thankful for those shifting winds and those firefighters who saved so much of our little jewel in Arizona!
We are getting geared up for another trip in a month from now! We are going to South Dakota during the Sturgis bike week and we are having a run for Lily! Andrew has been working on a bike he bought for $500 (an old Harley!) and thanks to donations from others he has made this thing look amazing! It is still not done, but we will be doing a bike run and auctioning off the bike! I know Andrew may have some tears rolling down his face and a very tight grip when he hands it over, but it will be handed over to the highest bidder! We have a lot to do in order to get ready to head up, but we are looking forward to spending time at Andrew's parents campground and this will be my first time seeing Sturgis for the first time. We won't be staying in Sturgis, but at Andrew's parents place in Deadwood Mystic Hills The run will be on Tuesday the 9th and auction to follow afterwards. I am really looking forward to this experience! Last year they did this and raised a lot of money, we are hoping to raise even more this year! I'm also hoping to sneak out one night and leave the kids with grandma and grandpa and see what all this talk is about, I hear it is quite the week!
I am still wanting to do another Splash for a Cure, but am thinking of doing it at an indoor pool during a different time of the year. But one thing at a time for sure!
So keep checking back, we'll be getting more info out and soon!

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