Monday, April 18, 2011

I don’t care if my nail polish isn’t perfect, well except I tried that crackle finish at a friends house and I gotta say it makes me look like a crack head, but I am still wearing it so I guess I don’t care that much. I don’t honestly care that there is marker all over our walls in our kitchen. I don’t care if there are finger prints on our sliding glass door. I think as long as our bathrooms are clean, the sink is empty and we all have clean underwear we are good. There are clothes piles everywhere. Clothes to resell on Ebay (you know when I have the time), clothes to give to friends/family with kids younger than mine, clothes to go to Goodwill, piles of clean clothes and always a laundry room filled with dirty clothes. I make no excuses for my house being messy. Never hoarders looking, but there are toys, there is equipment, kids chairs, etc everywhere because 1. Our home is less than 2000 sq ft and we have 5 people living there, along with 2 dogs, 1 cat and a guinea pig and 2. We have a lot of stuff, the things that come along with Lily is crazy. We try to keep diapers and wipes hidden aways, but once a month a company delivers 3 boxes of large diapers. We have 2 wheelchairs, a sitting tomato chair, an enormous walker… I think you are all getting the point. We are messy people, there are a lot of us and our home is small. But honestly none of this bothers me. Every single day of the week there is someone in our home that is not an official family member, but they feel like family. We have PT on Monday, OT and Lily’s care giver on Tuesdays, Wednesday I guess no one since I take Lily to Horse therapy, Thursday is caregiver day and Friday is caregiver and Music therapy. Sat we have a hab worker. So our house can never be Hoarders condition, but it always has things not where they are “supposed” to be (quotations because no one ever knows where supposed to go really is). Why air my dirty laundry (no pun intended.. ok yeah it was) because I wanted to get the word out there that I am not a control freak about most things. BUT when it comes for my kids I get incredibly anxious. Now babysitters that come and stay at the house I am fine with, we have schedules and pretty much the same babysitters so I am ok with that. But when I ask someone to take my kids somewhere, or do something I routinely do, I have issues.
Today I had to have Lily to get her AFO’s sized (by the way, I live for a week with not one single dr. apt. it has been soooo long!) but Oli had his swim lesson at 8:30am and Andrew had a meeting and my mom had a meeting. Ack! His lessons are important to be consistent and expensive to pay for and miss. He will be missing tomorrow for his tubes surgery so I did not want him missing today. My aunt (hi Gloria!) said she would watch him and take him. Ack! I got nervous. My amazing, lovely aunt whom I adore is more than capable of taking him to his swim lessons, yet I still got butterflies. I had to have everything out and ready for her. I gave her step by step instructions and I am sure she was rolling her eyes at me, but when I got a text that they found it no problem and he did awesome I had the hugest sigh of relief. And the same goes towards anyone taking the kids places for me. Not so much Andi when she goes places with her grandmas, but ask me the last time anyone but me took Lily to the Dr? Um when Andi was 2 weeks old. Ask me the next time someone other than me will take Lily to the Dr. um probably never. I had someone take Lily to horse therapy for me for awhile and it was just too stressful for it to be enjoyable for me. I’d just rather do it myself. So Andrew keeps mentioning us going on a little vacation and again my heart starts to palpitate. The thought of my parents or Andrew’s parents taking the kids places in the van stresses me out. Not because I fear something will happen to them, ok maybe a little, but more so that I know how much work it is to do and it bothers me to ask someone else to do it. It’s weird. If I know they will be hanging out at home, fine. Hanging out in Greer, fine. Going places… errr my heart! So yeah.. anyway, I have no point. I’m just rambling today. I am just thinking about everything I do for my kids and well specifically Lily and thinking of anyone else doing it makes me crazy. I pray the good Lord keeps me around a long time or else I will be haunting Andrew making sure he does everything the right way for those kids. And don’t even get me started on the thought of a step mom for them. That woman will be running for the hills when I get exorcist on her.
See this is my brain. Can you imagine my brain on drugs? I would be literally insane. I am never idle. My body never stops except to sleep and that is rare also. And if my body is idle, my brain certainly isn’t. Yes there probably is a nice little pill to correct this, but I’m not taking it. This is my pill, my fingers banging the keyboard.

Tomorrow is Oli’s tube surgery. I am calling Neuro surgeon probably tomorrow or Wednesday to see where we are at regarding Lily’s VNS surgery. I am gonna follow up with geneticists to see if labs and EKG were all good. And I am praying that once the VNS is in, we can go an entire month with out one single Dr. appointment, but knowing already we have a 2 week follow up with orthotics, eye dr for both girls next Friday I guess I am hoping maybe mid May will be Dr. less. You know April showers bring May flowers.. maybe April non stop Dr. appointments brings May with none. That may not be very poetic, but it gets to the point.

Pray for my boy tomorrow. He is a grump whenever sleep is involved so I am not looking forward to his grumpy butt when he comes out of the anesthesia.

And on a very serious note, please keep a family who lost their 2 year old son in a tragic accident yesterday in your prayers. We do not know the family personally but it is a close friend to a close friend of mine. The thought is unimaginable and overwhelming to think of. I’m praying for all the family and friends. I ask you all to do the same please. Sometimes life gets unmanageable and I have no idea why those things are allowed to happen, but our God is gracious and merciful and I pray there can be some kind of comfort in that.

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