Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thankfulness 10 - Wrap Up

I'm gonna finish up this thankful November ala Erica over at the Robertson Family (mom of sweet Avery with Rett Syndrome) and do this list style, because yes I am thankful for the important things like my kids, my home, my family, my life, but there are so many non important yet essentials to my life and I will list them all now. You may need to take an intermission. This may take awhile. These are of course in no particular order...

  1. lip gloss
  2. good tippers
  3. goody spin pin
  4. tampons
  5. disposable diapers
  6. socks
  7. miralax (for Lily of course)
  8. reisling (for me of course)
  9. coffee
  10. even better starbucks
  11. toilet paper
  12. a kid who says "mom I am the girl who saved Christmas"
  13. kitchen aid mixer
  14. automatic pet feeders
  15. a husband who wants to put lights up for Christmas
  16. a birthday in December
  17. a boy he hugs and kisses other kids who are crying (boundary issues or not)
  18. keebler town house flips
  19. a girl who doesn't say a word, but cracks up when you make the sounds she does
  20. scented candles
  21. a good friend with 600 thread count sheets
  22. october, november, december, january, feburary, march and april in arizona
  23. may, june, july, august and september in northern arizona
  24. tivo
  25. bravo
  26. amazing friends
  27. vs pink! sweats
  28. online shopping
  29. 36" inseam jeans
  30. a good bra
  31. an amazing church
  32. MOPS
  33. great family
  34. good always comes from bad if you look for it
  35. blackberry
  36. hobo wallets
  37. good old fashion magazines
  38. laptop
  39. itouch
  40. several good purses
  41. a warm home
  42. online banking
  43. chocolate
  44. recliners
  45. my blanket
  46. hubby's sweatshirts
  47. ikea
  48. target
  49. good doctors
  50. movie theaters
  51. good hair colorist and stylist
  52. bret and barb at orthotic specialists
  53. awesome therapists who go above and beyond
  54. a mom who buys great ever lasting gifts like special ornaments every year and personalized stockings
  55. qt with crushed iced cherry and vanilla flavoring in dr pepper

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thankfulness 9

I'm thankful for a sense of humor and even more thankful for other people with them.
As a server now I run across a lot of people and not every one has a sense of humor. Go figure. But when I get a customer who has one or better yet gets mine, I am golden! It can make my whole shift. So I can only assume the same goes towards other fellow humorous creatures that work in our community. Take the pharmacist at Target yesterday. I had a whole 8 minutes before my shift and Target happens in be where I park my car at work (take note stalkers). I have had this sinus crap, I think we're going on week 4, probably should get into the Dr. but I really only have time to take my kids to the Dr. I don't come very high on my list. Back to my story. I am in a hurry. Advil Cold and Sinus, sure I'll give them a plug it's the only medication that takes away my nasty sinus headaches, is of course behind the counter at pharmacy's because as we all know the crack heads ruin everything. So I hand him the card and he asks me for my drivers license. I hand it to him. Still in a hurry and have that sense of urgency to move along, "registration?" I look up blankly. "Birth certificate?... passport?" I stop staring and smile. "If this cold doesn't go away I'm gonna end up in jail" I joke and he says "it's only a 24-48 hour stay and I hear those ladies are real nice". He's joking with me! He's joking with me! Thank God almighty he is joking with me and not only is he joking, he is pretty darn funny especially for a pharmacist. Take no offense pharmacists, you are smart, you don't have to be funny too. "I'm sure they are just lovely" I say back smiling ear to ear. "Hope you feel better soon" he says. I thank him and run to work. And I tell you what I was in a great mood. Not that I would have been in a bad mood if he just checked me out like most pharmacists would have, and no I didn't want his phone number, it just made my day to joke around with a stranger. Made me realize when I asked my customer if next time he just wants a bowl of ranch because he's salad had too "many greens" maybe I made his day a little better too (btw he laughed and laughed when I said that, I am careful with who I make fun of, the guys who complained about their forks having hard water stains on them, they just get their food).
So share a joke with a stranger. You just might make their day. Or if you're not very funny, just smile.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Thankfulness 8

I’m thankful for marriage. And not just mine, but the institute of it. And while I try to practice traditional family values, I also love and appreciate all types of marriages. Traditional and nontraditional. I just love the fact that two people come and decide that they will take life’s journey together. And at first you are starry eyed most often young and so in love you can’t see straight. Then life happens and you grow together or apart. And it is sad to see how many do it apart. I am totally guilty here. I was a starry eyed 20 year old and a 21 year old divorcee. No intentions of trying to work it out. We just went our separate ways. I am glad that happened because we weren’t the right people for each other and if we tried to force it I don’t know for sure our future, but I don’t think it would have been so great. And if I stayed I couldn’t have met Andrew and then you see there would be no LilyAnna Blu, Andi Jane and Oliver Isaac Steven Nothdurft.
A decade plus later marriage is so much more than a relationship. And bring children into the mix and here you are in a partnership. You sleep together, parent together, you do your finances together, share a bathroom, closet, and sometimes a vehicle. You live your lives together. There is no you or I, it is us. And so often along that way you forget all about what made you those starry eyed lovers and that’s when so many couples say, I’m not in love with you anymore and leave.
What I love are the couples who stick it through and not only stick it through but see the worst marriage can offer and dust it off and keep on going. And not only keep on going, but do it better. Nothing I love more than a random conversation with an elderly couple who tells me about their marriage together. So often there is humor in their answer of how they worked and so often you still see that sparkle for each other. My parents stuck it though. Andrew’s parents have stuck it through as well as both sets of my grandparents, both my grandma’s passed away with their husbands by their side. Both Andrew’s grandfathers left their wives young widows. Divorce is not prevalent on either side of our families, but sunshine and rainbows aren’t either. I appreciate changes made, love renewed, spirits restored. I believe in forgiveness and understanding. I believe sins are forgiven, but consequences still have to be paid. I believe in a just God who loves marriage and family. In our family I want the man to be the head, to lead our family and support us in all ways. I understand that may annoy feminists, but it is just how I feel.
I heard this song on KLOVE the other day and I just cried. Exactly the words this man is singing were words I was crying this past summer. I wanted to be lead by strong hands. I wanted to have him stand when I couldn’t and you know what, God heard my cries and gave me that man. It wasn’t overnight and it didn’t come out of a good situation, but God knows what he is doing. And sometimes we have to deal with sour to taste the sweet. And it is hard to be thankful for things that have happened, but how can I not be thankful to have the husband I have leading his family the way it always should have been.
This picture means a new start. A new beginning from a couple that has seen it all and then some. We want to grow, learn and start a new and I am thankful to God for overseeing us and making marriage a union I whole heartedly want to be a part of.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Thankfulness 7

So my good friend Liz calls me on Saturday and says “so what’s this deal about your bird and it about to have it eggs hatch?” “What are you talking about?” I ask, “Andi told Reagan that you have a blue bird that’s eggs are gonna hatch and she has been asking nonstop to come over and see it” “Oh. My. Gosh.” I say. I am driving at this time and I look back at Andi Jane and I said “did you tell Reagan that you have a bird that is going to hatch some eggs?!” And she smiles and shrugs. I give her a dirty look and explain that I am so sorry, that it is so not true. First off I despise birds and if one was in my house, I would not be in my house. Secondly, what?! Like seriously Andi?
So the story goes on as Reagan is sad to hear that Andi lied and we have to have this long talk with Andi about lying.
Now granted the story makes me laugh. But it also pisses me off. But in looking for thankfulness in things less than pleasant I had to realize that having a child who can speak is awesome. One with a vivid imagination is amazing. Having parenting skills to take her lying and turn it into a lesson is wonderful. Like me telling her anything she wants she can get at Target. Get her hopes up then say, sorry I was lying. Mean, maybe, but she understood how Reagan felt after that. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be a parent. To be a teacher.
So while that child will test me until the day the lay me to rest, I am so thankful for her spunk her, feisty attitude, her character and all those characteristics giving me a learning lesson practically daily.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Thankfulness 6

On a lighter note....
And no I didn't take the weekend off from being thankful, I just took it off from writing. Officially it's Tuesday now so I suppose I took a long weekend, but I spent all day yesterday home with Ollie cleaning the home I am so thankful for ... so there.
I am tall. 5'11.5" yes 11.5". I never hit the 6' mark, but most people just assume I am 6' and I will at times just stake that claim. But honest to God I am not 6' tall. And naturally thin. I am not bragging, I'm not. I just have always had a fast metabolism, even with hypothyroidism. I am active and I eat whatever I want, but in moderation. I know people roll their eyes at that, but I am not eat a batch of cookies kind of gal, just one please, ok maybe two. And yes I am incredibly thankful for that too.
I was "found" at a mall when I was 13 years old and became a model instantly. I was wine and dined, traveled all over the country and a few places out of the country mostly before I was legally able to drive. I was in three different international Vogues, Brides, Self, Mademoiselle, Sassy, Teen (I am fully aware of how much I am dating myself with magazines that are no longer in publication) etc. And I am yes thankful for those awesome opportunities, but this isn't brag on my past post, this is actually a post about being humble. No matter what I did in NYC, LA, or even the Virgin Islands, I came back to Kino Jr. High and was not cool. I was a foot taller than all the girls and maybe a foot and a half taller than the boys. And if any boy was taller than me, he certainly wasn't interested in me. He liked the cute voluptuous cheerleader. So nothing about being a model in Mesa, AZ meant anything to anyone. It was an odd experience to have 23 year old men hit on me on the subway in NYC then come home and have no one ask me to a dance. But you know what, I am so thankful that my childhood was like that. I can't imagine who I'd be if everyone told me I was "lucky" "beautiful" or God forbid "perfect". I may had actually grown up believing that were true. What I grew up to was being called daddy long legs, jolly green giant, skinny minny, stick legs, oh this was a nice one.. Abraham Lincoln on stilts... not that those follow me around still.... ahem.... Cory Rittenhouse you big jerk!
Seriously though, now women have told me in my adulthood that they wish they were tall like me, or they want long legs like me, but first of all I will be the first to tell you everything I dislike about myself and secondly I say ok but if you want to be tall like me, you have to survive Jr. High like I did! And believe me, it was not easy! Especially add a last name like Diepstraten. I'm surprised I turned out as well as I did. Must be why I am such a fighter for my Lily and am soooo conscious of how she looks when we are out. People are always gonna stare so we make sure she looks absolutely gorgeous while they are doing it. She doesn't sport high waters like yours truly did. That's for darn sure.
So yes I am grateful for those years I just wanted to chop off my legs. Drank lots of coffee in hopes that the whole it stunts your growth thing was true. Was made fun of. Because of those years I developed character. A sense of humor. I learned no one of any quality will like me because of my looks, but they will like me if I am funny, warm and kind.
I came across this picture at my mom's house and it just brought back all those uncomfortable memories of being so different from my peers. It is ok to laugh. We all do.
You may have to look hard but I am sure you can find me ;) This is a team softball picture. I was 12. Summer before 7th grade. (you have to double click if you want to see it in all its glory)
ps... ahhhaaaa I fixed the comments! I welcome one and all to comment freely.. even you anonymous ;)

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thankfulness 5

I'm finding it hard to be thankful for Lily's seizures, which are off the charts right now. But I was challenged to find thankfulness in ALL things and not just the wonderful things like my family, friends, warm house (that we are totally upside down in but that is neither here nor there) and food to eat. And I am not thankful that Lily has seizures, not the act of themself. How can I? They come on when we are having fun. Then they make her whole body stiffen, then she has an odd smile while her body is involuntarily moving and she is clearly not "there" then when that finally fades and it is at least a minute or more, then she is wiped out. She passes out where ever she is. Her chair, the floor and if it is an environment she simply cannot sleep then she will just cry and cry and cry. How do I say thanks for that? BUT what I can do is say thanks God for being with her through it. And while it is hard to sometimes even do that, I have to dig further and see beyond the seizure itself and think about the things in life I would have never known if my precious baby never started having seizures.
I have learned to stick up for my daughter and myself along the way. I learned no is not a stop, just a fork in the road. I've learned I am far stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I would have never met Wendy (my awesome Nashville friend), Tiffany (Emmie's mom), Kelly, (Janelle's mom), Carol (Kaitlyn's mom), Geri (Nathanial's mom), Linda (Rylee's mom), Beverly (Cheyenne's mom), Jean (best preschool teacher alive), Ginny, Marcia, Michelle, Sara, Tara, Mary, Marie, Ms. Amy, Sarah, Kris, Molly, Ms. Ashley, Kris, Marlo, Teresa, Sharon, Jennie, oh my heaven's the list goes on and on! I know I am missing so many amazing wonderful people who have come and gone in our lives. People who have blessed me and enriched my life to an extent I would have never known. Sometimes I wonder if Lily we're who I planned and not who God planned would I be who I am today. I don't doubt my parenting skills, but I do worry about what my priorities would have been.
I'm no saint there isn't one day that passes I don't wish to see Lily and Andi Jane interact as sisters should. I wonder what it is like to just say everyone load up in the van and just go. I fantasize about an easier life all the time, but then wonder would I be as honored to be my kids mom? Would I appreciate the stories Andi Jane tells or the simple skill of Ollie feeding himself? Yes some days I feel sorry for myself but other days I am truly thankful to God for trusting us with Lily. So no I am not thankful for the suffering I have to see my daughter go through every single day, but I am thankful for the life we have because of her.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Thankfulness 4

I am thankful for my friends.
I have friends I have known since childhood and some I have only known a year and others I have met somewhere along the way. But my friends are all amazing women and each offer me something different and they, and I hate to sound so Jerry McGuire (but it was an awesome movie) but seriously, complete me.
Some give me brutal honesty. Some soften the blow. Some can make me laugh until tears roll down my face and others I can look at and break into tears. They all have warm and welcoming shoulders that comfort me in times of need and 2010 has been the year that I have needed good shoulders the most.
I feel educated by my friends, empowered, understood, acknowledged, worthy, and loved by them. I can go to them for honesty. I can go to them for advice. Sometimes it’s as simple as what to wear with this, and how do you handle when your kid says they hate you and other times it is how do I survive until tomorrow. I am prayed for by my friends and cared for by my friends and I am so thankful to God for my friends.
I always feel sorry for women who say they don’t like girls or they’d rather male friends. I just think they haven’t met the right friends, because a friendship with other women is something so different than anything a man can offer. Sure guys aren’t catty and they are fun to have a good laugh with. But I would never ask one what to wear or how to survive my next day. Unless they are gay but that would put them back into the warm soft friend zone that my girls are in. So yes, this is to all my girls. You all are what made this year bearable. I love you all and want you to know what your friendship means to me.
Cheers to you!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Thankfulness 3

I am thankful for in-laws. I happen to be a very lucky woman married into a wonderful family. I have a lot of girl friends and acquaintances and let me tell you in laws, especially mother in laws, aren’t the highest ranking position in a lot of women’s lives. But I can honestly say I am blessed in this arena. It hasn’t always been roses and tulips, but we all have grown into each other quite beautifully. Andrew has two brothers and I love each one of them. I love how different each guy is yet all so similar. And with brother in laws I get two sisters in law and I love them so much! We all get along and when we are together we have so much fun! I wish we were all closer, but it makes our get togethers even better when we do finally see each other. We had such a great time in South Dakota this past July with Josh and Carrie and Ayden and Avery! And a great time just a few weeks ago when Jeremy, Andrea and Jayda came to visit us.
And along with great in-laws I get awesome nieces and one sweet nephew and one more on the way to try to even up the score. I love that a family of all boys made 4 granddaughters and 2.5 grandsons. I am pretty sure the total will stay 4 and 3, but you never know. I know our participation is complete.
Andrew’s family has been so loving and accepting of Lily from the start. They have all rallied around for her and have loved her unconditionally and we appreciate every single one of them. That includes all Andrew’s Grandma’s, aunts and uncles and his awesome cousins as well. Seriously I married into an awesome family!
Grandma Cheryl (Andrew’s mom) has been so amazing. She comes to visit whenever she can and whenever we need her. Nothing big has ever happened with out her around. She is an amazing Grandma who puts her all into her family. And Grandpa Steve is a funny guy. He comes always with candy, a deep voice and a funny laugh. The kids get a huge kick out of him and so do Andrew and me when he comes because he can’t sit still so our garage will get cleaned out, garden revamped or recently he helped Andrew build our BBQ!
I am incredibly grateful for the family I was lucky enough to marry into.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Thankfulness 2

I could make this very easy and pick a person for each day, but that's too easy. I like to make things harder on myself than need be.
Next up is "extended family" I quotation that because my parents and siblings still feel very much like my immediate family to me.
My mom is the best! She really is. She showed me an example of a good woman of God and has never been judgmental or over baring. She is a one of a kind and I believe anyone who has ever met her would agree. I've heard so many adults ask to be adopted by her and my dad so therefore I know I am not wrong.
My dad is funny, extremely intelligent (maybe too intelligent for his own good), a little pessimistic/realist (I tend to get that from him, hence the need to throw in realist :)). He is full of dadisms that always make us roll our eyes or laugh. Things like "disappointment is my only friend", "here's a tip, don't park your bike in the rain", "measure twice cut once", "many hands make light work". He is generous and loves his kids and grandkids more than anything. He and Lily are just two peas in a pod. He just adores his Lily bug. He lives for us and we are grateful for everything he does.
My brother, oh Bryan, he marches, well rides his wheelchair, to a beat of his own drum. He has always been opinionated, stubborn and has a heart of gold.
Bryan has cerbal palsy and his life has been challenged to an extreme. He is smart as a whip but his body fights him in every aspect of his life. Yet he insisted on living on his own at 18. He has made friends with the wrong people at times and has made poor choices but his heart is pure good. And who am I to judge him and his choices when the stack has been stacked so high against him. He is a good man and genuinely loves and I am thankful for him and all he has taught me about life.
And my sister, Jenn. She has been a good sister to me. We'll choose to forgo talk of our life early on when she as 6 years my senior got a kick out of watching me cry. But as adults, she is awesome!:) She married and had my first niece very young so included in loving my sister I love my brother in law and her 3 kids whom I feel more like a sister to rather than an aunt. Probably why I've never been addressed by any of them as aunt, but whatever.
My sister and I finish each others sentences, know what the other would like and not like and read the same books. It's odd how well in sync we are.
Her kids are the coolest ever and I pray my kids turn out as awesome as hers. Ariel will be 20 in 2 days!! She lives in Flagstaff and goes to NAU. She is smart, gorgeous and has an amazing sense of wisdom about life and seems to always have. She's an old soul that I just adore. She is wonderful with my kids and we loved having her help out this summer. I can't believe she will be 20! Cody is funny, smart and very handsome. He taught me all about a 2 year old tantrum when I was 16 and threw himself on the floor at a grocery store for me. It was a great introductory to parenting. He has grown into a pretty cool guy and I look forward to watching his life unfold before us. And Skylar is a talented gymnast and cheerleader. She is a sarcastic, quit witted 13 year old that is incredibly bright. I love that she still will hang out with her mom and me and she is a great big cousin. Just yesterday we all went to the fair and she took Andi Jane on a bunch of rides, even rides that were too young for her. She is a selfless young woman and I simply adore all 3 of those kids.
Yesterday at the fair I said to Sky "when I was your age my mom would just say meet at a certain ride at 3pm, no cell phones just meet up" Sky asks "how did you know it was 3 o'clock" my sister and I said "we wore watches". Maybe you had to be there but it was funny. How am I the old lady telling when I was your age stories????
And along with my family comes my parents awesome families. My dad comes from a family of 5 and they all are amazing as well as their spouses. I adore each and every aunt and uncle and enjoy every minute I spend with them. And their kids, my cousins, are all such a diverse group of people within a huge age range that I love seeing and spending time with.
My mom the same thing! She comes from a family of 6 and there are 5 living and all have spouses and children and our family get-togethers are loud and fun!
I am so blessed for the family that I have.

just a few pix: my parents

my sister, aunt, niece and me (just a normal day....not a politically incorrect white trash bash)
my brother and lily

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Month of Thanksgiving

I've seen it on facebook, people saying each day what they are thankful for during the month of November. I didn't feel like doing it on facebook but I thought I'd do it here. Daily may be a bit over achieving but I will do my best.
I first pick my kids. Of course I do. What kind of mom would I be if they weren't the first thing I was thankful for. But I can't just say I'm thankful for my kids, I have to say what about them I am thankful for and I will first talk about my LilyAnna Blu.
I was so excited to be a mom and when she came I was thrilled. And I was especially thrilled she was a she! I spent a lot of time feeling angry at the world when my baby wasn't "perfect" like I planned. But as time went on we got to appreciate all that she had to offer. Her perfect soul. Her beautiful face. Her gentle heart. Lily loves and expects nothing. She is perfect and we adore everything about her. Her smile, her laugh, her "attitude" when she is annoyed at things, her appetite. She is a special girl and I love every piece of her. Even if loving her breaks our heart from time to time, it comes with the territory and I wouldn't trade her for the world.
Andi Jane was unexpected, she was cranky, she knew what she wanted and what to do if she didn't get what she wanted. She came into the world demanding attention and still at 5 1/2 wants to run the show. Her eyes are bright and brown. Her smile is perfection. Her stories she tells are dramatic and hilarious. Her heart is huge and open and I couldn't have picked a better sister for Lily. Andi Jane is compassionate, helpful, polite and social. She can fight with me, tell me I am not her best friend, but by the end of the day we are always cuddled in her bed reading and praying. God gave us Andi Jane at the right time and she is the perfect child for us.
And Oliver, Ollie, my baby. Our boy. His hair is white and his eyes are an indescribable color. He likes snuggles, kisses and hugs and thinks his sisters are his bestest friends. He loves shoes and wants to wear any pair he finds. He doesn't like things taken away from him and can throw a mean fit. His vocabulary is small but his personality is huge. He's amazing and I just adore that little man.
So not only am I thankful for my three kids, but I am thankful for who those three kids are and love watching them grow and change.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


I forgot to post Halloween pictures! I worked from 8:30am to almost 5pm n Halloween so I rushed home to find the kids already dressed and thanks to my mom the girls even had blush, eye shadow and blue polish. It was a long day and I didn't get many pictures, but we had a great time trick or treating at a friend's home.
Lily was Princess Jasmine, Andi Jane was Ariel the Mermaid and Ollie was a Tiger.
Fun times!

Nostalgic, Thankful, Thoughtful

Anyone watch Modern Family last night? Gloria having to celebrate dates of everything. First kiss, first time she cooked for Jay, etc. And of course Jay, the husband, having no clue as to what they are celebrating that night just goes along with it. I had to laugh, well I always have to laugh at that show, but especially because I am like Jay. Dates, unless it's a birthday or an anniversary (and even those are slippery for me) just don't phase me. If Andrew and I didn't meet on New Year's Eve I can't promise I would have remembered even that date. The anniversary of Lily's first seizure doesn't do anything to me. Just the fact my 3 week old had a seizure gets to me. So yesterday when my sister said, "It's November 3rd..oh man that is when Grandma passed away", I was taken back. When Grandma Norma passed away Lily was on one of her long hospital stays. Andrew's mom, Grandma Cheryl, stayed with Lily in the hospital so I could visit Grandma Norma at another hospital. She was only 69 years old and if she wouldn't had been so addicted to those stupid cigarettes I'd swear she'd still be around feisty as all hell. I told her that night I loved her and she said it back to me and not too many hours later I got a call in Lily's hospital room that she was gone.
Grandma Norma was feisty, she loved sports, she had a very strong opinion on everything and wouldn't even hear out the others side. She was competitive and loosing wasn't an option. She was funny and had a smile that lit up a room. But man if she didn't like your outfit, or the name of your baby she'd let you know.
I feel cheated loosing her so early. My kids never got to know her. She would have been so blessed by Lily. I'm sure she'd have a cure for her as well knowing her, I'm sure she'd know who to blame for CDKL5 and what to do fix it. And Andi Jane, her namesake (Norma Jane), and her would have been the best of friends. She would have just gotten a kick out of Andi Jane and I just know those two would have been kindred spirits. I still think they are. And Ollie. She probably wouldn't have liked his name very much and I am sure she would have told me so. But she would have loved him and his cuddles and I can almost hear her say his name.
So maybe I don't remember dates because if I remembered every date of something bad that happened I'd have a hard time doing my best to be thankful and joyful.
Today in MOPS we had some wonderful "mentor moms" talk to us about being thankful in a time that it is almost difficult to be. To be thankful IN everything we do, even if we aren't thankful FOR everything that happens.
I've made mention of this being a rough year, specifically a rough summer. I cannot share the details as it is not solely my story to tell and I would need permission and participation to share and we aren't ready for that. I can say that our marriage had been tested and tried. But with lots of changes, prayers and faith in God we are making the best decision we can make and work through this together and I pray one day be stronger together than ever before. But today in MOPS I was a sad blubbering fool because my heart was spoken to. It is so hard to be thankful for hurt. To be thankful for pain. But I have to learn and know that I must be thankful to God that he is there for me through everything. And even if we are left wondering why us, why me, why did this happen, I have to remember I will know why and it may not be for years later, but I will know why we had to have this hurt. Just like with Lily and even with the struggles I have with Andi. There are always reasons for our pain and it will be made clear to us one day.
So I am thankful for the 2x4 God hit us with this summer. It made us realize what we have to loose. Not to take anything for granted and to remember God first in our marriage and only with God first can we get there.
Currently life is stressful, busy, Lily's seizures are out of whack. But I have Lily. And her seizures aren't life threatening. And she doesn't complain about them like she really should. Life is hectic because I am trying to work and be a mom, but how many people out there can't find a job? I wish I could just stay at home all the time with my kids but I am thankful that I was able to for such a long time. I know we'll get back there.
So I am going to try to keep in mind, especially this month of Thanksgiving, to remember to give thanks for the things I do have and the things I love so much. And even the stupid things that piss me off and made me sad. So with all that said wish me luck! :)

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